Friday, October 31, 2014

I AM NOT A LION! by Prince Hamlet

**Disclaimer:  This is probably obvious, but just in case, I'll say it: this isn’t a real guest post. This is for a final project in my English class, and I thought it’d be a special post for Halloween. :) Also Prince Hamlet’s opinions on Disney/ the Lion King DO NOT reflect the views of this blogger.  On the contrary, I wholly disagree with him (Lion King is one of my favorite Disney movies;) ), but I did my best to write this in what I thought would be his take on the Lion King. xD  **


**Official Cover TBA**

Hi everyone! Hope you all are having a wonderful week! :)

Today’s author is a well-known member of royalty and a close friend of Shakespeare. Please welcome Prince Hamlet of Denmark and his new memoir, I Am Not A Lion! Below is a guest post written by Prince Hamlet ( The Lion King: Setting the Facts Straight), as well as more information about the book. :)

Author: Prince Hamlet
Publisher: Shakespeare Co.
Release Date: March 15th

The prince has spoken! In his new memoir, Prince Hamlet of Denmark discusses his supposed insanity,  his identity crisis, and the anguish of indecision.  With wit, irony, and soliloquies, Prince Hamlet writes about his emotional journey through revenge and the question of being.  He explores the idea of humankind ultimately being dust and addresses claims over his “unnatural” obsession with death.   His is not a story for the faint-hearted, but is a story of facing demons, making decisions, and ultimately proving why Simba has nothing on him.  

Guest Post:

The Lion King: Setting the Facts Straight
by Prince Hamlet of Denmark

Many people believe that the Lion King is a wonderful Disney classic.  Bah, I disagree.   Turning something as serious as my life into a trivial musical with singing lions and dancing hyenas- what has this world come to?

My main concern is with the lions themselves. Based on my life, they say? Rubbish! Simba is nothing like me.  I don’t run away from my problems literally.  I run away from my problems mentally and metaphorically- which is a huge difference. How? Well, running away from problems mentally and metaphorically requires a huge amount of contemplation and soliloquies. You can't forget the soliloquiesBut Simba does forget- and he makes a huge mistake, running away in the spur of the moment. Also,  this Simba character blames himself for the death of his father (which, by the way, is not done right; my father, who has a face like Jove and eyes like Mars, did not die grovelling to my uncle and rolling down a cliff ungracefully- he was poisoned; how does one mix up poisoning and pushing people lions off cliffs?).  I never blamed myself for his death; that was clearly my uncle’s fault. (So why was I still so hesitant, you ask? It is in my nature to think before I act for EVERYTHING- except when it comes to rats. Those I kill without a second thought.)  Then Simba goes off into the wild and starts singing every ten minutes at random intervals.  I may be crazy, but I'm not that crazy.   

If Pumba and Timon are supposed to be Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, than I am Hercules himself.   Rosencrantz and Guildenstern betrayed me and played me like a recorder.  We did not sing “Hakuna Matata” together, nor did they ever aid me in my struggles.  Rather they were self-seeking, and unlike Pumba and Timon, I could not tell them apart at times; in fact, the best way to describe them would be two sides of the same coin.  Sometimes I rather wonder how we were such good friends growing up. I found their songs rather annoying, and it was a great pity that they don’t perish like Rosie and Guildie do.  

And this Nala character- is she suppose to represent my sweet Ophelia?! Oh, how far has the Disney world fallen! The songs Ophelia sings are of madness, death, chaos, and innuendos, not of love and dreaming of me being king (though that is a sweet sentiment...).   Ah, this movie brings about remorseful feelings; as I watched the movie, I thought to myself why the Fates couldn't have been kinder to me and made Ophelia be the one to draw me out of my insanity and indecision (like Nala does to Simba). Alas it cannot be so; and bluntly put, my Ophelia was crazy- and dead. No more will she be handing out sweet rue or rosemary or fennel.  That scene where those two creatures pull each other into the water while prancing about into the night- my, that broke my heart and disgusted me with its insensitivity.    

Mufasa is perhaps one of the better portrayed characters.  Regal and majestic, he has Hyperion's curls.   He was nearly perfect- nearly.  My father did not appear on clouds, booming, “REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.” That is ridiculous; of course I knew who I was.  My father visited me to remind me of my purpose, not to remind me to remember my destiny as king- that I knew. But I will admit (reluctantly) that Simba's purpose and my purpose are at least a bit similar (we both are to purge the land of evil). However, it also is not in my father's character to be so… encouraging like Mufasa.   And brightly colored clouds with flashing lightening? Way overdone.

Zazu reminds me much of Polonius, as they both constantly jabbered on.   I don’t particularly care to elaborate here (but if you do want to know, my new memoir has a chapter solely dedicated to him- he is my dead lover's dead father-: How to deal with chatterboxes); after all, he is dining with the worms.  I find it a pity in the movie that Scar didn’t eat him.

Lastly, Scar, the representation of my uncle, is the best portrayal out of all of them.   Conniving and manipulative, just watching that horrid man lion scheme murder makes me rage all over again. How satisfying that ending is, that his own minions turn against him! But the best part? He doesn’t marry my mother in the movie.  And oh, how I loved that ridiculous over-the-top musical scene!  A perfectly foolish song for a perfectly foolish man like him.

And there you have it folks, a guest post by the *ahem* delightful Prince Hamlet of Denmark! For more of his witty and charm-filled writing, look out for his new memoir coming out on the Ides of March. 

(Huh, would you look at that. ) 

Thanks for reading XD  

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